I was a very awkward kid growing up and felt out of place everywhere I went except the football field. There were few years in my early teens in boarding school where I was the best player in sight.
However, by the time I was fifteen or sixteen I had lost interest in football and didn't want to train anymore because it became a chore. All I wanted was to play for fun. Going through the drills or fitness training was not for me. So it wasn't long before I "lost" it and everyone else suddenly became better because they were training and I wasn't. Anyway, by then I didn't care.
Music became my new love and I practically slept with my guitar. Apart from attending classes, all I did was listen to music and mess around on the guitar. I took joy in taking parts of different songs that I liked and rearranging them into something better. I was bad at covering other people songs anyway so it wasn't long before people started asking me if i wrote whatever song I was playing at the time.
So, I guess I became a songwriter by default. I am still writing and playing to this day and even released a couple of albums and EPs. That is something I hope to do for the rest of my life because it gives me a reprieve from the grind of daily life and makes me feel like I am still a kid.
Channeling my expressions through song is rewarding for me and it is sort of a diary of where I am at the time. I have gone from being morbid, depressed and an existentialist to being a hopeful person in love. I used to write dark depressing songs when I was younger. Now my songs tend to explore love and life while looking to the future.
Does my music change me or do I change my music as I become older and more mature? I can't deny that music is cathartic and a form of therapy. Maybe I have not exorcised my demons completely but I have managed to keep them at bay.
I no longer want to kill myself like I did on my first album "Truth and Consequence". My most recent album "Songs That Won't Sell" may have a pessimistic title but the songs are all about the love of my life and how I am "Never Lonely" with her here by my side.
Lyrics speak for themselves. Compare the lyrics of these two songs- "Afterlife" from my first album and "Never Lonely" from most recent.
Sitting in the dark in the back seat
Taken for a ride
But I think that I'll be going nowhere
I don't believe in any afterlife
Even if I did it wouldn't do me any good
I would never only watch the time go by
I am never lonely with you here by my side
I won't let it show but girl I love you so
Only love has the power to change a person or a song that is being sung. I can't wait for the day when I see my little baby so I have more to write about.